I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We had to coat check the pizza.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
