I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
