I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
