Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
