Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
