I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
