i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
