is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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