If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am one with the molecules
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
