FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
