I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
