i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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