Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
