Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
