He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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