apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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