We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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