I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
