ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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