yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
