How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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