You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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