someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
