in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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