I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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