I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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