I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
