you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
