She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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