wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
