please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
