And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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