non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
