drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
