Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
