there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
