i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
