So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
