the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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