no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
