Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
