Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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