Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You made out with two different species that night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
