here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
