Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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