i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
