Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
