so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
