I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
