Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
