You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You smell like stripper and shame
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
