There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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