Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
