So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
