Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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