i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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