No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
