I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
