so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
