Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
