Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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