it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
