I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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