You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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